


DeBretts Guide to Masturbatory Etiquette

by Charli



Category: Leverage
Genre: Gen, Humor, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:38:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charli/pseuds/Charli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parker is a sociopath and Eliot is a slave to onanism</p>
            </blockquote>





	DeBretts Guide to Masturbatory Etiquette

Eliot did not mind that he had to share a room with Parker, it was just that…screw it, he did mind. He really fucking minded.

They were in the middle of their latest heist, pulling what was called in the trade, The Honeymoon, and he and Parker were the happy couple. This meant sharing a room.

And a bed.

Which wouldn’t have been a problem if he were Hardison, or even Nate, but he was Eliot. And Eliot was a man with certain needs.

If he didn’t flick a quick one off the wrist at least once a night, he was liable to explode. Even if he got laid, Eliot was a slave to onanism.

He lay on his back in the dark and listened to Parker’s breathing as it deepened and evened out and then, when he was absolutely sure she was asleep, he slid his hand down the front of his shorts.

Eliot’s muscles relaxed and he sighed as his cock grew and filled his hand. With the skill of one well versed in such situations he fisted himself quietly and firmly. It was as much an emotional and cognitive release, as it was a sexual one. With his free hand, Eliot pushed the elastic waistband of his shorts down, past his cock and hooked it under his balls, trapping it there.

This was comfort, he reasoned, a more masculine version of thumb sucking. He tried not to think about the fact that Parker was lying mere inches from his left elbow.

Eliot became lost in the moment, his wrist and forearm tense and rhythmic, and as his movements quickened and he started to bite down on his lower lip, a little voice at his elbow suddenly remarked, “Are you touching yourself?”

Eliot jerked up in surprise and was then immediately blinded by an overhead light being flicked on. “I can see your penis.” Said Parker matter-of-factly.

“Christ.” Said Eliot and struggled to stuff himself back into his underwear.

“Well that will never fit.” Parker pointed out, “You need a shoehorn, get some leverage under it.”

“God Parker! Have you never heard of room mate etiquette?”

“You’ll go blind.” She said, still staring at that which was slowly deflating inside his shorts.

“Turn the goddam light out.”

“No. It might get me while I sleep.”

“Jesus Parker!”

“It’s like a snail in a helmet.”

“Shut up Parker.” He growled.

She turned the light out reluctantly and Eliot turned away from her, still snarling.

“You can get hairy palms from touching yourself.”

Exasperated but now fully back in his underwear, Eliot angrily switched the light back on. “You’re a sociopath.”

“You’re a pervert.” She retorted.

“Parker, it’s a perfectly normal thing for a guy to do. Or a girl for that matter. And…”

Parker jumped in “I was in the bed next to you!”

Eliot carried on, “And if you had any social skills whatsoever, then you would know that room mate etiquette dictates that non-masturbating room mate continues to feign sleep whilst masturbating room mate is masturbating.”

She shrugged, “I just wanted to see your penis.”

Eliot turned off the light “Good night Parker.”

“What are the vinegar strokes?”

“Shut up Parker.”


End file.
